This week I've had a major shift, and stepped into a new, more settled, more peaceful phase of BEING in this life.
- If you've ever felt like 'something' is wrong with you (just an innate feeling that you can't name or put your finger on)...
- If you feel like WORRY is basically your default mode of living...
- If you've dealt with anxiety (again for no particular reason that you can name)...
- If you've ever been preoccupied with what other people will think (whether you admit it or not, you've probably worried about it or been subconsciously controlled by it) -- when you voice your opinions, put your business out there, tell them what you do, etc etc...
YOU NEED TO READ THIS.
I'm hoping I can explain this energetic soul shift well enough to maybe help you on your journey too.
Ever since my late teens / early 20s when I 'woke up' and have gradually been becoming more and more self-aware, I've also constantly carried around this constant, un-nameable feeling of dread and guilt.
- A constant feeling that I was going to be 'caught out' for something
- Generally feeling afraid that something bad would happen -- something bad is around the corner
- Feeling that I can't let go or relax, like a hyper-vigilance to be aware of my surroundings and other people and keep everything good
Even when the most wonderful things have been coming together in my life -- like travel, a wonderful relationship, and business success... I could never really enjoy it because the fear that it was about to all suddenly fall apart or disappear, was just as strong, or even stronger, than the joy.
Have you ever felt like this?
From my introspection, reading and personal development so far, I believe this tension-ridden state is due to a mix of being an empath, ancestral angst passed down from wartime experiences, past life traumas, unwittingly learned behavior from my uninitiated anxious mom, and also subconsciously caused by growing up under her emotionally manipulative behavior.
Whatever it's "caused by" -- I thought the anxiety was a problem in and of itself. I was treating it as a problem and it needed to be fixed / cleansed / cleared / healed / meditated away. I was essentially believing and telling myself "something is wrong with you".
I thought it was almost like an energetic tumor that was still there, clinging onto me, despite all the work I'd done on myself -- and I brought it up many times with holistic practitioners and coaches, seeking a way to finally get rid of it.
This caused me to please others over myself, phrase everything in my life as a question seeking someone else's agreement - rather than a statement of what I really want, and keep my opinions to myself to keep others comfortable so that I wouldn't stir the pot.
The tension around this issue rose over the last year or so, and I totally knew it was a problem, but again I was treating it as something that needed to be 'removed' and largely blamed it on my family programming.
THIS WEEK I GOT A VERY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, and made a connection that has caused a HUGE shift for me.
I worked with an incredible practitioner who does a combination of neurolinking and his own special magic energy work. (This guy is seriously like a human version of a unicorn -- I wish you guys could all come to Queenstown and work with him)
He told me the most simple thing that created this huge shift. He said "When you feel like you're worrying about something bad about to happen -- just say, it's ok, I can roll with it, I trust myself to deal with whatever comes."
THAT LAST PART IS THE KEY.
Not just "it's ok, I'm ok". Not just "I'll go with the flow".
But "I TRUST MYSELF to handle whatever situation comes my way."
Making this extra step, this deeper connection, and closing this loop, COMPLETELY NEGATES the un-nameable fear, worry, guilt, dread, anxiety.
It's not just about pushing the anxiety away (because that totally doesn't work) - it's about actually canceling it out. Knowing that everything truly is OK, I can let go, I trust myself to cope with what may arise. I'm a smart, capable, resilient, resourceful person, and looking at the evidence of having survived life so far, I can totally deal with whatever comes my way next.
I realized that my anxiety and all its associated behaviors wasn’t a PROBLEM, it was a SYMPTOM.
A symptom of not trusting myself. Of not telling myself lovingly that I trust myself, and deeply approve of myself, and will always stand by myself.
Seriously, when I made this connection, it was like something clicked, and the air cleared.
I'm still letting it settle in and process, and am teaching myself to re-pattern my behaviors around this newly discovered deep truth...
But I can honestly say most of the feeling of unease has melted away. I'm beginning to deeply trust that not only do I have my OWN approval and support but that I’ll have support from the universe to deal with anything that might be around the corner.
It's a whole new level of trust and surrender, that finally makes room for peace, and rest, and ease, and spaciousness.
I mean, I had read about this stuff, but I feel like this week it's really clicked for me. With seeing this new connection between constant un-ease, and self-trust. WOW.
What this does is allow you to come full circle with self worth, self love, and self approval. It allows you to get in touch with your in-built guidance system (your emotions!), and bring your whole being together by listening to the pure original voice of your inner child - not telling her to shush.
It makes you feel approved of, heard, and trusted - because you give that to yourself!
So what I've learned is that when you feel you don't have enough of something --
in this case, ease and peace --
sometimes it’s money, or love, or whatever --
it's never a problem, it’s always a symptom.
I hope I'm not over-simplifying it, but to me it really does seem that:
- anxiety, guilt, fear, lack of ease = a symptom of lacking self-trust
- not having enough money = a symptom of lacking self-worth
- feeling unloved by others = a symptom of lacking self-love and self-approval
This is SO COOL because it means ALL of these things can be addressed WITHIN. Through loving work with yourself.
I *so* deeply believe in my message:
If you're seeking success (ie fulfillment, recognition, achievement, wealth) -- STOP trying strategy after strategy, and START working on yourself. That's what's made ALL the difference for me.
Anyways, I don't really have a specific "point" or "call to action" for this message - I just hope there's been something valuable here for you!
What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts in our free private group. Join the conversation - it's a safe space.
Lots of love and hope you're having a fabulous week,